Plain Old Jen

Sunday, May 06, 2007

When the tears fall...

Lately I have been going through a time of transition and for those of you who know me, know that I don't deal with transition very well and those of you who don't know, do now! A lot of things have been changing in my life the past few weeks and it has caused my heart to grieve. And grieve it did, I have cried a lot and could cry at the drop of a dime. One moment I would be fine and the next I would be hiding myself in my room sobbing uncontrollably. I am not going to lie it is a weird place to be in especially when you are someone who doesn't like to cry and still feels a little uncomfortable when others cry (God's working on that though).

So I decided that I needed to go the beach because that is where I feel closes to God. So I packed my bag and left for good ole Maces Bay. I ended up on the beach Thursday afternoon for almost 4 hours. It was great. I am sure that if anyone had of seen me they would of thought I was crazy because not only was I talking to God out loud but yelling at Him...We chatted for a long time and we agree that even though I was going through a transitional time that I still loved Him and He still loved me, even though I called Him a few names....

Today while writing an email to a friend, I read this passage from the bible that I have read and heard a million times but it was different today, "God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too— your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful— I can't take it all in! " Psalm 139 (The Message)

When I read this I just took a deep breath and felt really peaceful. Why? Because Jesus is before, with and after me, so why bother worrying...And the Psalmist is right, it is too much, too wonderful...I can't take it all in...but what I can take is marvelous!! Thank you Jesus for putting up with me!!




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