Giving Up!

So I have decided to give up, that's right, I Jen Hoddinott have decided to give up on life. But probably not the way you think. As most of you know I have accepted a job in Saskatchewan which is quite far from New Brunswick and at first thought I didn't want to go because I would have to leave behind my family, friends, my church, my groups that I am involved in and everything else that is a comfort to me. And I am not going to lie, God and I had an argument about me moving so far away but of course God won!! As He usually does over time!

So how am I giving up on life? Well it is like this, my life really isn't mine and I have been trying to hold on to it because I believe I know what is best for me when in actuality I have no idea because I can't see the big picture. I have come to the conclusion that I am giving up my life, and taking up God's life for me. I am reminded of the verse in Luke, "Then he said to them all: If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.(9:23)" So that is what I am trying to do...I am trying to deny the life I want and walk with God in the life He wants for me..

With doing this I have really come to love the lyrics of the song "No Sacrifice" by Jason Upton. Those who know me well know that I have been listening to this song for a while now but something changed in it for me...Like the words just penetrated my heart, my mind, my spirit and my soul. And I really feel God was speaking this directly to me and telling me to use this as a prayer!

"To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to

To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life

To you I give the gifts

Your love has given me

How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?

Because Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life

To you I give my future

As long as it may last

To you I give my present

To you I give my past

Because Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life"

Just in case I didn't hear Him through words, He also gave me a picture. I was in the throne room with God and He just smiled at me and I felt uncomfortable because I knew what I had to do but I didn't want to. So I just stood there for a while and He just continued to smile at me. Then all of a sudden I began to cry and I feel to my knees and wept! In my head I could see the words, hopes, dreams, future, past, present, gifts and I knew exactly what I had to do. I lifted up my hands and offered them to God one by one. Each word appeared in the palm of my hands and as I gave them to God, he smiled bigger and bigger. When I had given up each word, I was overwhelmed with peace and God spoke and said, thank you!